mighty forces

Elizabeth Edwards rocks

I was fortunate enough to attend the Wisconsin Women in Government banquet last month, and I heard an intelligent, heartfelt and personal speech from Elizabeth Edwards. I have tremendous respect for her and her family, and I was horrified at the way people pontificated about her health and her family’s decisionmaking while knowing precious little about either.

If it’s even possible for me to love her more, it happened when I watched this clip from Hardball where Mrs. Edwards calmly and forcefully takes that shrieking harpy Ann Coulter to school.

An excerpt:

Edwards: I’m going to ask you again to politely stop using personal attacks as part of your dialogue.

Coulter: Okay, I’ll stop writing books.

Edwards: If you can’t write them without them, that is fine.

A few hundred more people in Congress and on the campaign trail who are intelligent and forceful and stand up for what is right, and we’d really have something, wouldn’t we?

Extraconsitutional beast

Well, at least Dana Milbank got the “beast” part right.

Dick Cheney is a floor wax.
No, he’s a dessert topping!
No – he’s both.

Or neither. Can we please just go ahead and impeach the guy now?

Shutting everything out

In the past, one of my standard lines has been, “I’d just like to climb into a sensory deprivation tank for several months.”

I think maybe the time has come to try it for real.

I did some research online, and I found a place in Waunakee, the Blue Lotus Floatation Center, that offers just this service. Not for months at a time, of course, but hourly. It took a while to find, because at first I was searching for “sensory deprivation tank,” and that just led me to some disturbing stories about how the U.S. government is using sensory deprivation as a fun and effective new form of prisoner torture. (Yay for American ingenuity!) The difference is, I’m paying them, and I can leave whenever I want. Plus, they did it on “The Simpsons,” and that turned out fine.

My friend Jason warned me about the movie “Altered States,” where William Hurt suffers some rather disturbing side effects from his time in an SD tank. But since I don’t plan on taking peyote first, I think I’ll be OK.

I promise I’ll stop posting videos – at some point.

I think “Dr. Atheist Von Gay of France” is the best. name. ever.

God, we’re dumb

New Newsweek poll question:

Do you think Saddam Hussein’s regime in Iraq was directly involved in planning, financing, or carrying out the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001?

Yes: 41 percent.

Jesus H. Christ.

Actually, we’re not dumb so much as deluded. (I mean, we’re plenty dumb, but bear with me here.) When people have endured nearly six years of hearing “9/11″ and “Saddam” in the same sentence, it’s no wonder we think the way we do.

When I say Volvo, what word comes to mind?

Grumpy old man

My friend Paul and I found ourselves in Walgreens the other day. We were perusing the cold cereal area, and came upon one of my favorites from childhood, Crunchberries. (Cap’n Crunch with round red “berry” pieces)

Me: Well, they’ve just ruined this now. I would love to buy some, but the berries are supposed to be red – not all these other colors. That’s just not right.

[seeing that the "berries" are now in "fun shapes"] And look at that – argh. It’s supposed to be “Crunchberries,” not “Crunch-and-a-bunch-of crap.”

Paul: It’s official. You *are* a grumpy old man.

I can’t stop laughing at this…

What did we do before the Internet?

The increasing problem with bears

For the last time, god willing

ITS is a possessive pronoun.

The cat batted the fish tank with its paw.

IT’S is a contraction of “it is” or “it has.”

It’s been a long time since my cat was eaten by those piranha.

Are we there yet?

Car bomb kills 78 in busy Baghdad square

Can we go home now, please?