mighty forces

Oh crap

Looks like Edwards is dropping out, even before Super Tuesday. It’s a move I just don’t understand. Wouldn’t he pick up a fair number of delegates in those contests? Seems to me that would put him in a better position. I don’t get it.

On the flip side, I have to say I’m enjoying watching the crapweasels soil themselves now that John McCain is the frontrunner for the Republicans. Here’s a great comment from Kim “Pussified” duToit’s trenchant flying monkeys:

Should McLame somehow manage to beat Obama or Hildebeast, I suppose we could hope for a conservative VP, and a repeat of 11/22/63………… Preferably, the suspect would be a Mexican illegal, or a known Muslim terrorist. And the weapon of choice an RPG or SA-7.

Nice.

Can I get a can of fries with that?

This is, as Gizmodo says, both the best and the worst thing ever. I felt I had to share.

Conclusion

Humans are absolutely inexplicable. And any effort expended to try to understand them is a fool’s errand.

John Gibson is a raging asshole

But this isn’t news, is it?

I guess the larger question is, why are so many conservatives raging assholes? What’s the psychology? One way of looking at it is that today’s American brand of conservatism allows them to indulge in all their worst instincts, without fear of backlash. Hell, the bigger an asshole they are, the more they are celebrated. When you even partially tamp down your asshole instincts (see: John McCain), you are vilified as a wimp and a sellout. So why wouldn’t they let their ids run wild? I’m sure it can be fun, in a sick, sad sort of way.

I thought they smelled bad on the outside

This weather makes me want to slit open a tauntaun and climb inside.

Grandpa Simpson or Fred Thompson?

“We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere – like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.
Now where were we? Oh yeah – the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…”

Of course it’s Grandpa, but it’s also fun to read the quote in your head using Fred’s voice.

(This post is dedicated to The Other Adam, who I think loves Grandpa Simpson as much as I do.)

Hugs Part II

My mission in life

Probably because lots of high-falutin’ missions have gone by the wayside, I’ve decided that my mission in life shall be to eliminate from our culture the one-armed man-hug, which Wikipedia informs me is also called the “pound hug.”

Seeing Tom Cruise do this grating stiff-handshake-with-awkward-one-armed-hug move on one of the Scientology videos, for some reason cemented my hatred of the American Man-Hug.

Should any straight men be reading this, let me assure you: a regular, one-second, two-armed hug with a man will not cause you to “catch gay.” It’s simply a gesture of warmth and love between two people. Everyone knows you and your squash partner aren’t really “partners,” and trust me, onlookers, should there be any, are not wondering whether the two of you are going to make out.

As the saying goes, you wouldn’t worry about what other people thought of you if you realized how infrequently they thought of you at all. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, and unlike Tom Cruise, no one cares whether you are gay or not. Get over yourself. Got it?

Thanks for your time. Now for the sake of humanity, go out and hug another man. For those who still need a little help with this concept, VideoJug has a great instructional video on the subject.

Quote of the week

“What Huckabee told South Carolinians was, people in other states don’t have the right to come here and tell you what to do with your flag. But what I heard him say when I was there was, you have the right to go to Massachusetts and tell them what to do with their fags.”

-Dan Savage

Moral quandaries

If I want to drop Jonah “Liberal Fascism” Goldberg into a vat of boiling oil, does that make me a fascist?