mighty forces

I’m rarely wrong in my political predictions

Here’s one that’s gone from an itch to a scratch to a rash:

John McCain will be the next President of the United States.

It doesn’t exactly thrill me to say this. But face it, they’ve found a way (yet again) to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I think the tipping point was when I read this quote from Bill Clinton:

“I think it would be a great thing if we had an election between two people who loved this country and were devoted to the interests of the country.”

Really, Bill? Really?

The thing is, admitting this means that I can just focus on other things. Trust me, I have a lot more pressing concerns than this stupid, enervating, lowest-common-denominator election. Let them all tear each other apart.

Wrestling a pig

There was a time, not that long ago, where I would happily wade into the muck with assorted crapweasels and ignoramuses and try my best to puncture their weird and hurtful worldviews. Sometimes I really kicked ass, in my opinion. (Much of my best work, like wallowing around with Mrs. du Toit, has gone down the internet memory hole.)

But these days, like with a lot of things, I just don’t have the stomach for it. I’m worn out, and the tide of stupid, hateful stuff has just gotten too overwhelming. I’m beginning to sympathize with Ellen Ripley – let’s just nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Seattle

I’ve posted my photos from my Seattle trip on Flickr. Let me know what you think.

Finally a candidate I can support: Tim Calhoun

“I am qualified to represent America. Because, like America, I am heavily in debt, I’m about ten percent gay, and I have a really bad gas problem.”

-Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) on SNL

I am often a bigger fan of the second- or third-level characters than I am the main ones. My favorite Simpsons character of all time is probably Dr. Nick Riviera (“See you in the operating place!”), and I also love Hans Moleman. And on Saturday Night Live, I love Tim Calhoun. He was on the other night and it was a treat.

“I propose we start a Cow College where we teach cows how to talk. I propose we start with the word ‘moo’ to build up their self confidence.”

“There are times when I’m not gay at all. But then there are other times I’m so gay it more than makes up for it.”

Of course, a big part of it is Will Forte’s halting, whispery delivery. Calhoun in ’08!

I am so sick of politics

Did you know that Miley Cyrus, whose birth name was Destiny Hope Cyrus, has legally changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus?

Neither did I.

Comment of the Week

“Barack is benefiting from slavery. If it weren’t for slavery, the black population of the U.S. would be about as big as the Eskimo population, and he’d have lost to Hillary a long time ago.”

-Freeper mouthbreather racist scum, commenting on Barack Obama’s race speech today

I don’t hate America. But why are there so many loathsome people living here?

UPDATE: Here’s another classic, from the same thread:

“I am not happy with McCain but I will hold my nose and vote for him. At least with McCain, you get a man that endured 5.5 years of confinement and torture as a POW for a country he fought for. With Hillary you get an socialist ex-hippie that has spent her life trying to destroy others and Obama a do nothing race baiter that sympathizes with terrorists, will coddle our enemies, will not wear a U.S. flag on his lapel, will not put his hand over his heart and pledge allegiance to our flag during the national anthem and attends a church for 20 years where his friend, mentor and spiritual adviser to his campaign states – God Da*n America. I will take McCain.”

We are so fucking dumb in this country, I’m surprised we can dress ourselves. This nation needs a LifeAlert pendant. We’ve fallen, and we like it down here.

Smell of semi-success

I made a chocolate pound cake today, from a recipe in a cool book called “Small-Batch Baking.” Of course, I was halfway into it before I realized I needed buttermilk. Who keeps buttermilk around the house? Really. So I just used milk. It turned out OK, but not great. Afterwards I read online that you can simulate buttermilk by putting lemon juice or vinegar into milk. Well, maybe next time. Baking has always seemed too fiddly and requiring way too many ingredients and too much precise measuring for my taste. And making these small batches doesn’t really help things. Well, at least I made the effort.

The project did remind me of one thing: I love the smell of vanilla. Isn’t that one of the scents they put in the air in prisons to keep the inmates quiet?

Make Me A Supermodel

I don’t think it’s too shocking of an admission that I watch a fair amount of trashy reality TV. And since Ben “I don’t believe in evolution” Stein’s model show finished up, I’ve been watching “Make Me A Supermodel.” Yes, I know. But hey, I could be addicted to crack or spend my nights mugging old ladies. So it’s not really all that bad, is it?

Last night’s episode was particularly surreal. Some of my favorite moments:

• Tyson Beckford wearing a paisley ascot, and exhorting Perry upset over problems with his girlfriend that “This could kill a normal man. But not a supermodel.”
• Perry lying in bed with his legs spread, openly fondling himself over his black briefs.
• Holly, transported to a luxury hotel in New Orleans for a fashion shoot, getting teary-eyed at her obligatory Habitat for Humanity assignment. “She {sob} lost her house in a storm!” It was more than two years ago, Holly. That woman is over it, why can’t you be?

I love Scott Bateman

This one’s for you, Hillary

“It profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world… but for Wales?”

-Thomas More, “A Man For All Seasons”