Archived entries for
Best show on TV
…is VH-1′s “Tool Academy.” Seriously.
Well, maybe I should say “most entertaining.” But come on – let’s be honest. We watch reality TV to feel better about ourselves; to look at those poor souls on the screen and think, “at least I’m not them.” And nothing has provided the heroin-like hit of that emotion with more of a punch than “Tool Academy.”
It starts with the idea that the “tools,” the muscley, gelled-up, inked-over manwhores who star in the show, thought they were taking part in a program called “Mr. Awesome.” Little did they know that they would be joined by their skanky girlfriends on a show actually called “Tool Academy,” where they would have to work on their relationships through group therapy and reality-TV-style challenges. But they stayed, because hey, 1) they’re still on TV, and 2) they could win $100,000.
So begins the parade of male chauvinism, shirtless posing, endless cries of “bro” and “man,” and acres of tattoos, gelled hair and fake nails.
“I knew I was in serious trouble,” said Shawn, the bulked-up blonde with the fauxhawk and giant sideburns who had just been exposed in therapy as two-timing the girl he started the show with, “because this challenge is about infidelity. And I’m the biggest infidel here.”
Tonight’s contest was dancing the tango – won by Jenna and Ryan, an apparent refugee from Japanese anime who calls himself “Matsuflex” and compulsively refers to his underwear as “man panties.” (I am not making this up.) The couple, who has not yet had sex (although he is a constant “infidel” and she has had three previous boyfriends, all black men), won as their prize in the tango competition: a conjugal visit.
Is there any wonder why I love this show?
Stupid products division
To all those contemplating buying a Snuggie:
You already own several “blankets with sleeves.” They’re called sweaters.
Doofus.
Wisdom from FreeRepublic
“How did they take over VT? They moved there. They voted. They outnumbered the natives. I bet a lot of them are teachers. One thing—Most of them do not have kids, so they ruin yours. Who is having a lot of children? Latinos and Muslims. Take your pick America. That is the result of Choice. There should be no choice and we all know it.”
-Freeper commenter huldah1776 on a story about New England being at the forefront of gay rights