Best show on TV
…is VH-1′s “Tool Academy.” Seriously.
Well, maybe I should say “most entertaining.” But come on – let’s be honest. We watch reality TV to feel better about ourselves; to look at those poor souls on the screen and think, “at least I’m not them.” And nothing has provided the heroin-like hit of that emotion with more of a punch than “Tool Academy.”
It starts with the idea that the “tools,” the muscley, gelled-up, inked-over manwhores who star in the show, thought they were taking part in a program called “Mr. Awesome.” Little did they know that they would be joined by their skanky girlfriends on a show actually called “Tool Academy,” where they would have to work on their relationships through group therapy and reality-TV-style challenges. But they stayed, because hey, 1) they’re still on TV, and 2) they could win $100,000.
So begins the parade of male chauvinism, shirtless posing, endless cries of “bro” and “man,” and acres of tattoos, gelled hair and fake nails.
“I knew I was in serious trouble,” said Shawn, the bulked-up blonde with the fauxhawk and giant sideburns who had just been exposed in therapy as two-timing the girl he started the show with, “because this challenge is about infidelity. And I’m the biggest infidel here.”
Tonight’s contest was dancing the tango – won by Jenna and Ryan, an apparent refugee from Japanese anime who calls himself “Matsuflex” and compulsively refers to his underwear as “man panties.” (I am not making this up.) The couple, who has not yet had sex (although he is a constant “infidel” and she has had three previous boyfriends, all black men), won as their prize in the tango competition: a conjugal visit.
Is there any wonder why I love this show?