Dark and light
At first I didn’t get Facebook – I thought it was just another way to waste time online. And while it is that, it’s so much more. To me, it’s a fascinating sociological experiment where millions of people gather and show off, indirectly, what makes them tick.
I like Facebook status updates especially, because rather than being a vehicle for “I just had soup” sort of life updates that no one (including the writer) would find interesting, they become a sort of personal performance art. What can I say that’s funny, interesting, witty, charming, smart?
It became clear early on that the range of emotions acceptable in a Facebook update message are limited, especially on the dark end of the scale. Being elated over a new job is acceptable, as long as you don’t dwell on it. Your friends might even join in with congratulations, if the mood struck them. But being depressed, angry, or upset? Frowned upon, if not openly mocked.
For a while I didn’t understand why this was. If this was an avenue for expression, why not the whole spectrum? But then I realized: negative emotions aren’t allowed to be openly expressed in “polite” American society at large either – so why would they be allowed on Facebook?
Of course, it can get tiring to hear your friends bitch and moan about their problems in real life. But I think it goes beyond that – to a denial of those dark feelings themselves. After all, if we stick our fingers in our ears and shout “la la la I can’t hear you!” when others are in pain, it’s just one coping technique for helping to deny those feelings in ourselves.
No wonder we’re a society that is addicted to mood-altering substances across the spectrum. We drink, take drugs, smoke and overeat, cocooning ourselves with TV and internet, and fill up credit cards with purchases from infomercials. Where are the connections? I think one reason we find it so hard to connect is that our society tells us to grin and bear it, lest we upset the neighbors.
Expression is painful, messy, and inconvenient. But suppression is infinitely worse.