In response to mounting criticism of his initial pick of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his vice presidential candidate, Sen. John McCain has announced today that he has replaced Palin on the ticket with a grilled cheese sandwich.
Conservative media across the internet and cable networks hailed the new VP choice as inspired and inspiring.
“A grilled cheese sandwich will never raise taxes on your family farm, ” said conservative commentator Jonah Goldberg. “And who doesn’t love a good grilled cheese?”
National Review editor Bill Kristol said the pick was “made from a position of strength,” showing that McCain wouldn’t need any handholding to govern the country and destroy terrorist thugs hell-bent on killing Americans and their dogs.
“A grilled cheese doesn’t even have hands,” said Kristol.
“Grilled cheese is delicious, and would never perform a late-term abortion on a human baby,” enthused Fox News’ Sean Hannity. “And if the grilled cheese should be called to serve as President, it would be surrounded by the best possible team of advisers.”
Questions about the grilled cheese’s lack of experience on the national political stage were quickly brushed aside.
“Did Jesus serve in the U.S. Congress?” said Evangelical minister Rick Warren. “I can assure you, he did not. And would you attack Jesus for his inexperience? I look forward to praising God alongside our new Vice President, Grilled Cheese Sandwich.”
UPDATE: Why is Winston Smith copying me? 