mighty forces

“Twilight”

I finally watched “Twilight,” because it was such a pop-culture phenomenon I felt I had to.

Because I am not – contrary to reports – a teenage girl, I’m afraid I just didn’t get it. The two leads were not attractive or interesting in any way, and no character in the movie was allowed to advance beyond the “plot device stereotype” level. Something like “True Blood,” with all its problems, has much more life and juice than this leaden exercise.

The cinematography is beautiful, when you can see it through the shroud of darkness that hangs over everything. But without a real story or characters you care about, it’s not enough.

It was inevitable that this movie, based on a blockbuster book series, would be made. But just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.

Tale of two movies

Two movies, both adapted from books by Chuck Palahniuk. “Fight Club” was directed by David Fincher of “Seven.” “Choke” was directed by Clark Gregg, best known as the ex-husband on “The New Adventures of Old Christine.”

The outcome is seemingly self-explanatory.

Which is too bad, because my love of Sam Rockwell (“Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” and a sexy and funny Zaphod Beeblebrox in “Hitchhiker’s Guide”) knows few bounds. I haven’t read “Choke,” but with Palahniuk I have a feeling that the source material is exponentially more wild and interesting than was put on the screen. Well, maybe next time.

What the movies can teach us

George W. Bush was (is?) Chance Gardiner of “Being There.” And Sarah Palin is Lonesome Rhodes of “A Face in the Crowd.”

I think I prefer Chance.

Lakeview Terrace

I was looking for a movie where the bad guy got his spectacular, violent comeuppance, and I was not disappointed. I guess the word of the week is “catharsis.”

Lacy, gently-wafting curtains

I used to make fun of people who watched “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I mean, how stupid, right? But then after “Firefly,” which was brilliant and died way too soon, I thought I should give it a try. I’m glad I did. I haven’t watched the whole series, but I started at the beginning and was continually surprised and impressed. Even the musical episodes were good, even though I generally hate musicals. (I often remember the line from the old ‘Ellen’ show – “I just don’t understand opera. Why do they have to sing everything? Why don’t they just say it?”)

So when I heard that Joss Whedon had been spending his strike-related downtime creating a web series, I knew that I had to check it out.

“Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” is some of the most entertaining web content I’ve ever seen. All three episodes are online now, but after tomorrow (Sunday) they’ll be gone. I liked it so much that I not only bought the episodes on iTunes, but I’m sure I’ll buy the promised extras-packed DVD.

Neil Patrick Harris (the eponymous Dr.) has left his Doogie days far behind, and it doesn’t hurt that I have a huge crush on Nathan Fillion, who plays Dr. Horrible’s nemesis “Captain Hammer.”

Check this out. Seriously.

This is true

On FreeRepublic, where apparently they have nothing better to do, anti-gay trolls have made 180 comments (!) so far on a post about a British commercial for Heinz that shows two men kissing.

Why, whenever I peruse the Freeper’s “HomosexualAgenda” category do I think of “doth protest” and the classic Onion story?

Kung Fu Panda

A breath of fresh air in a sea of overcooked remakes, “Kung Fu Panda” is sweet, funny, and a treat for the eyes. Jack Black dials himself back just enough to let his character shine through, and the secondary voices (Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Ian McShane and others) are great. One of the best things about the movie is that it doesn’t try to be “hip” by loading up on contemporary pop culture references (*cough* Shrek *cough*). It’s confident enough in its charms to just let everything play out, in a way that won’t go stale in a couple of years. Highly recommended.

Movie dialogue of the week

Jane: I’m just tired.
Aaron: Of what?
Jane: I just, guess I feel there’s no more wondering what’s it gonna be like.
Aaron: Like what’s gonna be like?
Jane: My fabulous life.

-Jane (Frances McDormand), “Friends with Money”

Andromeda Strain

Watched the four-hour “Andromeda Strain” remake on A&E last night. It was somewhat difficult to believe Eric McCormack as a hard-bitten by-his-own-rules reporter, but I think that had less to do with “Will & Grace” as it did with the stupidity of the character stereotype overall. Other than that, it was a workmanlike, at times mildly entertaining shaggy dog story, as pretty much all “the world is ending and only X can save it” movies are. Because let’s face it, if Demi Moore is the last best hope for humanity, we might as well pack it in right now.

Even at four hours, the script doesn’t do anything with the interesting bits scattered throughout, like making Rick “Ricky” Schroeder into a closeted gay Army Major, or casting the movie President as a young, telegenic guy with an equally young, telegenic wife and daughter. So you’re left with the cast of people we don’t know who die horribly, and the cast of middling stars impersonating the “last best hope” scientists.

My recommendation? Rent “The Core.” Seriously.

I want to be Tony Stark

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie that delivers such a heady mixture of wish fulfillment as “Iron Man.” Tony Stark is a brilliant, charismatic inventor billionaire with a fantastic house, dedicated loyal assistant and a whole host of high-tech playthings. And did I mention he can fly? Yeah.

As played by the incomparable Robert Downey, Jr., I both want to sleep with Stark and be him; his charisma is palpable. And as the centerpiece of one of the most fun summer blockbusters I’ve ever seen, he and director Jon Favreau provide us with that rarest of entertainments – a movie that absolutely delivers, on every level. It’s funny and sweet and exciting and the action is thrilling. And Downey is the heart, literally. I’m not normally much of a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow, but her chemistry with Downey as aforementioned loyal assistant Pepper Potts adds much to the experience, rather than being just the focus-grouped distraction it would be in a lesser movie. Favreau is a master of tone here, absolutely committing to both the action and the human elements of the story.

This. movie. kicks. ASS.

If you don’t see it, you’re not having all the fun you could this summer.